Before I tell you the story of how I turned a perfectly nutritious vegetable (sorry, Reagan, fruit) into a saturated-fat bomb, I have an announcement to make. BIG news. There's been an invention you all should know about. This brilliant idea is useful at retail establishments, theme parks, and gambling venues, as well as providing a tool for tithing or creating permanent plastic record of your friends' hideously ill-advised facial...

Every so often an event comes along that changes the way you look at the world. Maybe it's something terrific, like Olean (FDA-mandated warnings aside, that stuff is fat-free fat. Possibly the greatest invention of all time, aside from Bovinity Divinity may it rest in peace.) Or maybe it's something utterly disillusioning that tests your faith in humanity, like orTonight was neither of those. It was more of a serendipitous stumble,...

You know, lately I'd really been worrying over the Woodside. I made that horrid curry, and then I loved and loathed with universally lackluster passion (it was Mediocre Monday, a study in my "i suppose"s and "who cares" ... s.). Which is not to say I don't love that chicken, cuz I do. Anyone who's seen me make late-night oven fries can attest. That'd be 17 minutes on the ole coq, according to Manuel. Call J, he'll vouch.I hope...

I love:Gack! Oh, this one was love at first sight. It's a kitchen timer shaped like a chicken who appears to be screaming. And it's inexpensive, too, thanks to the genius that is Books-A-Million. And I would like some credit for not making the "it was cheep" joke that originally occurred to me. To be fair, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night because watching a movie that started at 11:00 pm seemed like a terrific idea. Turns...

Ladies and gentlemen, today ... I cooked with tofu. And then I had a thought: What is tofu, exactly? Soy, yes, which I think there's a decent chance I'm allergic to in large quantities (seriously, vegetarian failure), but what sort of soy?Apparently, "tofu, also known as soybean curd, is a soft, cheese-like food made by curdling fresh hot soymilk with a coagulant". Oh, tofu. It was fun while it lasted. What'd you have for dinner?Curried...

This weekend marked the Lafayette, Louisiana, celebration of the impending nuptials of Big Brother and his betrothed (and puppy makes three!). There was Cajun spirit galore, including a kicky band, Mardi Gras beads, be-peppered tablecloths, and THE BEST OUTDOOR (aherm) FACILITIES EVER. Strangers were marveling over them, truly. I may buy one and turn my house into a 2/3. Or I may have myself committed to a home for the criminally...

Please forgive me, dear reader. This post faces two main challenges: 1. I haven't posted in 12 years, so my memories of this dinner (concocted last week at some point) are murky.2. I am not feeling even remotely funny. And we all know I'm generally HILARIOUS. As I recall, it was cold ... and I was self-pitying ... and a throwback to childhood sounded ideal. Then again, some of my throwbacks to childhood were a little strange (love...